Dorcs ehr I mean Crocs

This is perfect!!! And compliments an earlier rant so well.

How to Scare the Monsters Away

Maybe I should try this with the mice!

This would most definitely be my child - Notice the contemplation at the end!

Confessions of an Elementary Teacher

So I have a friend - we will call her Mrs. X - Mrs. X is an elementary teacher in an undisclosed region of the U.S. - and most importantly she is the bearer of the most marvelous stories. I have decided to feature the stories here on my blog - but to protect the "innocent" names, dates and places will always be omitted.

Story of the day: Ratting on the Rents

Little Bobby was walking back to his kindergarten class with his small group reading teacher. Being the Dennis-the-Menace type student that he is, no one was ever sure of what would escape from Bobby's mouth. This day was no different. As Bobby and the teacher walked down the hallway with the other small group students, Bobby looked up at Mrs. Smith and asked that she pray for his daddy.
Not knowing what was about to unfold, Mrs. Smith replied with genuine concern, "Of course, I will pray for your daddy. What is wrong?"
"Well," Bobby answered, "his nuts itch really bad."
Stifling the laughter, Mrs. Smith gave a quick response and returned him to class. With Bobby out of her sight, the laughter ensued. Poor Bobby's daddy....little does he know that his prayer requests are being shared with school staff.
There is a lesson to be learned: you never know what your kids will share at school!

Paranoia or Crazy

Lying in bed last night - dozing off and all of a sudden I hear something moving and scrambling around in my room - I jump up and turn the lights on of course freaking out. I go to get the flashlight and can't find anything in my room - obviously I am either paranoid about the "monsters" in my storage shed or am now officially going crazy. Luckily I was able to convince myself I am indeed going crazy and fall asleep quickly.

The next morning I tell Shawna about this and she, dying laughing, assures me it was the squirrels on the roof - to help my sanity I am choosing to 100% believe her.

I am hoping the "monsters" have devoured the poison and are now all dead! Of course I am never venturing in the shed to find out for myself.

The Monster Returns

If you will recall - during the "Phantom Ice Storm 2007" I found monsters in my storage shed (aka mice). Well since then I have been scared to death to even go within 10 feet of the shed. In fact the few times I have absolutely had to go in there I had to psych myself into it for a full two days. The new ritual for venturing into the storage unit is now

1. Mental preparation
2. Knock twice to give the monsters a heads up that I am coming in
3. Open quickly and step back, access the situation
4. Quickly grab what I need close door and lock it
5. Run into house

So today Cody & Amanda come by to get boxes - I KNOW where the boxes are - they are in the monster aka mice infested unit! So I go through the ritual and spot the collapsed boxes off to the left. "Wait what is that, is that a stick" - then the "stick" moves!

IT'S A TAIL!!!!!

And there is NO way it's a mouse tail - it was way too long - it has to be a RAT!!! I slam the door, scream and run into the house only to then bump into Cody at the garage door. Of course Cody at heart is a good ol' A&M boy, the perfect person to fight the dreaded beast. Unfortunately being a boy he does not understand what my mind is dealing with at the moment, so the jokes and pranks that follow are completely cruel and not helpful! The monsters have grown - they are getting bigger every day! It's a matter of time before they take the house I know it. Help Me!!!

My Mother's Daughter

"Well you are my daughter...."

The words from my dear mother tonight - why - well...

Everyday phrases and ideas pop out of me that I think "oh my gosh that was my mother". Today I went to Ulta to get my free Mascara and a couple of hair "necessities" - (free mascara for being an Ulta member and supporting their business so well)

$57 dollars later I waltzed out the door - to this my mother proclaimed "well you are my daughter".

Anyone that knows me knows I am a sucker for a few frivolities of life - hair and makeup products are definitely on the list! I have everything you could possibly need. I am currently using 4 different lotions, 5 different body splashes, 5 different sets of shampoo/conditioner and 5 different hair products. My "dirty" little habit.

On the other hand I pack NO products when going to my mothers b/c last time I was there she was using - 5 different lotions, 4 different sets of shampoo/conditioner and 4 different body washes. I have no idea what all she's got in that FOUR tier makeup case and the closet of hair products puts Walgreen's to shame!

Now on the topic of shoes - well that's for a different day.

Grocery Utopia

At one point in my life - not too long ago - I loathed going to the grocery store. Anyone who knew me then knew that I would rather eat out, go hungry or just whine and whine than go to the store. Why? Because it was a nightmare that I would rather not voluntarily live out over and over. Especially the HEB at Braker & Research!

This store appears as if it was assembled and "organized" by a blind, drunk, insane individual... There is no organization and at one point you and everyone else just wanted to abandon your groceries and scream to the top of your lungs. If more than 2 people were in the checkout lane that meant you, as number 3, were in the produce - in the way - in every part of that store you were in the way.

This is the issue with most grocery stores - they are crowded, they are poorly organized, there is too much stuff, yet you can't find anything you need - mother of 3 enter stage right and let's put the kids in a GIANT car that is supposed to serve as a cart of some kind with Dameon the sugar induced ADD child that is now running into everything in sight. The floors have some kind of blackish gray substance on them - we are going to restock the dairy section in the middle of the day - which by the way I think the dairy section must get stocked everyday. The harsh fluorescent lighting adds to that miserable ambiance we all love so much - and what is that piercing sound above that terrible Muzak and that annoying clerk that feels the need to announce everything - oh that is little Timmy that missed his nap but we are all so fortunate to have the privilege of experiencing his tirade!!

At this point I have made two laps around the store because I couldn't find half of what I needed the first time around. And because I couldn't access the other half of what I needed - thank you Martha Stewart that has chosen to use this time as the"let's stare at the shelves and ponder that next meal I'm going to whip up for dinner!"

Therefore - I LOATHED the grocery store - UNTIL - I moved to North Central Austin and it was far more convenient for me to shop at Central Market and Whole Foods - this is when I entered grocery heaven.

I had always popped in sporadically but kept the bulk of the grocery items to the standard HEB - but now oh now yesssss I will buy everything I need at one of these two locations. I don't care if it costs more people - and yes I can hear every one of you saying this as you read - hush - just read!

You walk in and are welcomed, not by screaming children and confused shoppers. But by happy people and beautiful fruits and vegetables. Each section is fully equipped with their very own department experts - no junior high kids that have been directed to wander the store and offer help despite their lack of knowledge on everything. Everyone here wants to work here - they love their jobs and it shows. No irate cashier that is mad because her boyfriend is sitting at home eating Doritos without her.

The floors are a lovely shade of clean, the shelves are fully stocked - not over stocked, nothing falling off the shelves. There is a soft sound of pleasant music playing in the background.... beautiful flowers adorn the huge variety of almonds, fruits and goodies you can purchase from the bins... This is grocery utopia. And in every corner of the store someone is cooking - just for me. They are all here to feed me, help me, educate me... love me... oh what wait where was I?

Yes it has it's time of being crowded, and yes I have made 3 laps around - but only because I don't want to leave, there are so many interesting things on the shelves, I must discover them all.

And so now I love grocery shopping - I grocery shop multiple times a week and always look forward to it. I eat at home more and that is always a plus. So is it more expensive - cheap groceries vs eating out all the time or higher end groceries and eating at home more.... and ultimately...happiness - I think the choice is obvious!

Happy Carnation Day

Thanks Robbie for the carnations you left on my porch - I myself am not a 4 for $2 carnation fan - but if I was Billie (the person the flowers were really left for) I'm sure I'd be thrilled... I know you left your phone number but you could be skitzo for all I know and most importantly it's just too much trouble for me to contact you about carnations!

Moral of the story - If you are going to leave something on someones porch - make sure it's the right someone... If you're going to give flowers - don't give carnations - unless your leaving the carnations on the wrong door - and round and round it goes.

But to those that shared your valentines cookies, candies etc... (all from your children's valentines day parties) I really thank you - mmmm! When I was a teacher we called this day sugar coma day from St. Diabetic.

Breaking out of the Cabin

Had to do it - we wandered out into the icy cold today - three layers on top two on bottom, a cap, hood and gloves! Texans in the winter...

It's so great living a few blocks from a grocery store & from Kerby Lane. We had to avoid the bridges (crossing Shoal Creek) b/c the ice was inches think - it was crazy... But the hour jaunt around the block was worth it - our muscles were beginning to atrophy!!!

Cabin Fever

3 days of rain, sleet, snow and ice...

Shawna and I have
1. watched an entire season of 24 (season 4 is the best!!) & The Class (3 times - we love Ritchie - if you haven't watched this show your missing 0ut - CBS)
2. watched Little Miss Sunshine & lots of the weather channel
3. turned our living room into an office - we are really needing a copy machine and fax machine at this point!!!
4. gone through almost all of our groceries - have loved us some soups! Thank you Central Market!!!
5. listened to every work conversation in detail either of us have had - while 24 is paused on the DVD
6. Read - in between everything else.
7. Eat, eat and eat more... no wonder people gain weight in the winter!!!
8. Busted out layer upon thermal layer
9. Buster out the heating pad!!!
10. Watched and laughed as I have had to re situate my self - I mean I've got two blankets, a heating pad, pillow, lap top, cell phone and 3 remotes to situate here - every time I get up to go to the bathroom or grab a bite the drama of resituating takes a toll - Shawna now wishes she had been counting from the beginning to see how many times and how long I do this.

Good thing we get along or we would have killed each other by now!!

What to do on day 4??!! Out of 24 - running low on food - may have to risk it and run to the grocery and video store!!! Life as we know it has stopped b/c of weather - wow!

Ode To The Beast Living in My Shed

To the mouse in my shed that scared the life out of me this afternoon - I heard you rummaging in that bag of curtains I KNEW I shouldn't have put in there - I heard you and your family and friends - sounded like about 30 of you I'm guessing...

Then I saw you - the ring leader - It was only a brief second but trust me I saw you - you and your beady black eyes - your big ears! And I know you saw me - I also know you heard me scream to the top of my lungs - pretty sure the entire neighborhood heard that one - And then you watched me jump and slam the door in your face.

You didn't see me run into the house, lock the door and insist Shawna come find you. She wouldn't and wanted me to open the door to let you out - but its 30 degrees and wet and you and your crew are all bundled up in my old curtains (that I will now never use again) - your not getting out of there are you - your staying in there until the humidity comes.

Fine! Stay in there - don't you even think about coming in my house!!!! Or I will be forced to buy poison - the kind that makes you disintegrate into dust - or a giant cat!

What is IF?

So I braved the freezing cold and misty rain this morning to walk the hood - I am about 40 minutes away from my house and I see this sign on a traffic barricade that says IF and there is an arrow - so of course I think "If what?"

I look around - no other signs - nothing so I keep going. A few minutes later I come to another sign - once again it says "IF" - briefly I say to myself "Self, do you think a movie is being shot in this area - well when I get home I will look that up..."

Oh no need b/c when I rounded the corner I found my self smack dab in the middle of a production set! Here I am dressed for the Antarctic with only my eyes, noes and mouth exposed (picture wife of una bomber) and there is a movie or something being shot - and to add to it all walking towards me is this GORGEOUS guy with sandy brown hair a little above his shoulders - he looks as if he should be on the fishing boat - "Your a brave woman to be out here in this junk. Yeah tell me about it..."

I refrained from saying "Whatchyall doing out here - shooting a movie?" (insert southern drawl)

But after looking it up I can't find anything - is IF a production company, the name of a movie - what? Were they shooting a scene from Friday Night Lights (TV version) - I guess I'll have to ask my inside source on that last one....

Any ideas?

Did I Say That?

Wow a month since a new blog post - eh life has gone on right? Good!

I am not one for New Year's Resolutions - I make resolutions every day - in fact my business coach has me fill out what is called a 411 - On this you list out personal and business goals for the year, month, week and daily - It's a New Year's resolution 24/7.

The other day on my very early morning walk (yes me walking in the morning shocking eh?) I realized how many of my goals have been reached over the year - and how incredibly happy I am over that - I found myself saying phrases I NEVER thought I would be saying.

Like....

*I am loving walking in the morning - really I am. The oddity of this is I have fought it for so long, I am the Queen of night owls and the pauper of morning people - I can stay up till 2,3 am no problem but get up before 8am - even 8 is painful. But considering it gets so dark by 6pm in the winter and isn't cool enough to walk till 7pm in the summer - evening walks just haven't been an option - So yes I LOVE walking in the morning!

* I love being 30! It's everything I heard it would be and I love it - you know yourself so much better, your so much more sure of yourself and have such a clearer sense of direction.

*I love my job - I have had such a hard time finding my career niche that now that it has happened I am blown away - Do what you love and you'll love what you do - It's a statement of fact.

Identifying what I love has made me push through the obstacles to my goals - it's cold and gray outside and my bed is so plush and warm - but I love the feeling of the morning brisk walk and the satisfaction that my workout is complete - plus I'm working every day to my fitness goals - so I get up and go.

I'll let you know when my Dr. Malita Identifying Your Loves book is out - or rather Oprah will let you know.

Sometimes It's the Simple Gifts

Like most businesses and churches my business and church are doing Angel trees. I'll admit I go crazy over these things - I lived through some tight Christmas' as many people did and maybe that's what I think back to as I browse these trees.

Today though my heart broke as I read some of these cards - warm clothes, pantry items such as baby food and red beans and macaroni. The most basic items in the world! Some of these recipients are considered "elderly" at the ripe old age of 71. My sweet mother is only 65 and I do not consider her old! This really struck a chord, where are these families. Who is taking care of them.

Those in the "elderly" category simply want items such as a HEB gift card, lamp for their nightstand & a can opener!!!! I about took the entire tree home!!

I guess I write this today as an encouragement to grab an Angel when you see it - it's often a gift for less than $10. After seeing shoppers fight over $1000 Playstations and crap they don't need at all this will be a refreshing turn of events - fight over an Angel!!!

No More OJ

Praise God - literally praise Him - Rupert Murdoch, Creator of Fox Broadcasting and Chief Officer of News Corporation, put the big Kibosh on the OJ Simpson book deal and television special that outlined and interviewed how he WOULD of killed Nicole & Ron Goldman IF he had indeed murdered these two innocent humans in cold blood. Murdoch commented "I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-considered project"

When I first heard about this I was absolutely disgusted and disheartened with our culture and media - Fox News (Independent of Fox Broadcasting) led the outcry AGAINST this horrific book & interview! Thank you Fox News!! After being inundated with calls and emails of outraged Americans (finally we fight for something other than Playstations!) Murdoch pulled the plug... Goodbye OJ just goodbye!!

Fox News appropriately cited this was a victory for the American public, it was not government censorship - but us, people who cared enough to make there voices heard!!! Media networks WILL push the envelope as much as they can, as much as we let them....

The Power of Aromatherapy...

I have been sick for a week now, I can't shake it. I hate being sick, everyone does... The world seems so blah so grey when you're sick. No going for walks, just burry your head in medicine and tissue. I have purchased three different medicines this week alone and tonight in desperation I turn to aromatherapy....specifically Eucalyptus.

You know the drill, head over a bowl of hot steamy water with a towel over your head... yeah that's the picture, now add Eucalyptus drops to the scene. Well so far so good! For the first time in a week I feel great and can breath.... Chef recommends!

Fingers crossed!

Thank You for Smoking

We don't sell Tic Tacs, we sell cigarettes. And they're cool, available, and addictive. The job is almost done for us.

Movie recommendation of the week - Thank You For Smoking.

It's a great parody on the smoking industry, it's lobbyists, the media and those that oppose the industry. No one is exempt from ridicule in this movie. If you walk away changing your mind on smoking - either way - then you most likely weren’t strong in your original belief and are easily swayed by spin doctors.

DVD bonus - check out the deleted scene entitled the "Cigarette Slap" I had to watch it twice....

Christmas Decorating in September

Should we start Christmas decorating in August or September? Oh I'm sorry is that a ridiculous thought - why? Oh because Christmas is in December - then why are people putting crap up at the end of October???!!!! First part of November I'm walking through a neighborhood and come accross two houses with lights and trees up, now I see it everywhere even a Santa at Randalls bagging groceries (that was a bit creekpy by the way) - I'ts not even Thanksgiving! Sigh....

It astounds me what Americans will fight tooth and nail for - their faith, freedoms, political causes? Noooo - stuff - YES and LOTS of it!

Take for example the Round Rock Ikea opening. Let's pop tents and camp out for 3 days and stand in line for hours, to be the first for all the free crap giveaways!!! Hey you mean the crap that in a year we will be tossing into the garage... yep... and in two years we will just be tossing... YEP! Ok let's do it, I'll bring my lap top so we can take off of work, loaf around and watch movies and eat pizza!

Sorry I don't have time to volunteer with any organizations, kids no time to play today, I don't have the money to give to orphan relief and the fight against Aids- I've got a line to stand in!!! Because after this we are on our way to Best Buy to stand in line for hours and hours for a Play Station that is already selling for thousands on Ebay!!!! And now 3 days of my life on this earth are gone - sweet!!!

PS I think I need to get away from local news for a bit - I have been reading the Statesman online to see whats happening in my beloved city - and every day I do my blood pressure gets the best of me!

The Mall Crawl

So I foolishly met the family at the Mall on Saturday - I'm pretty sure this is what hell will be like only darker and hotter and an increased number of screaming children.

First scene, the infamous food court. Storefronts of greasy, fatty low quality food at an incredible cheap price. Mmmm nothing makes my mouth water more than watching an overweight guy with his big hot mama chomping into a thick over sized slice of greasy pizza! Hey look there is a kid with ice cream all over her face, mmm I'll have that. And the vomit over by the little quarter rides, that does an appetite good! Oh hey we get to step over a spilt milk shake - what fun!

It is truly depressing - watching people wander up the mall and down the mall. Not buying anything just wandering. Parading their kids in front of crap they now won’t let them have. Listening to children scream over what they MUST have - I'm hearing the brat from Willy Wonka in my head..."but Daddy, I want an Umpa Loompa NOW!" A beautiful Fall afternoon spent in the mall.

I've never been a mall person and this is partly why, if I want to check out a particular store I run in and run out - forgoing the mall crawl. And a mall on vacation is the most ludicrous and sad thing I can think of... Upon returning from beautiful San Diego someone actually asked me if I visited the huge outlet mall there (????) oh yes I flew thousands of miles to see one of the most beautiful parts of our country and decided to spend what precious time I have there huddled inside a mall, feasting on the gourmet treats of the food court- brilliant!

And that’s my 2 cents for the day….Tune in next time to hear the rantings of WAL-MART - aka Satan’s Dominion!